Curfewed Night - Rumaged the Past

was reading Curfewed Night book yesterday , in fact , was second day of my reading and finished reading at around midnight but could nt sleep for hours , a sense desperation , despair engulfed me , wondered all possible reprieve to the present Quagmire of Kashmiri Muslim . Right now in my office , book again on my table , wondering what can I do to turn the clock back to pre 89 . I am certain , I wouldnt be able to do anything to this complex problem . I am Kashmiri Pandit , left in 1990 , and great desire to go back but quite convinced that Kashmir no more is place for KP. My despair to see situation normal is not with a objective that I should go back , but it has more to do with my sense of roots ,I feel that my roots are in conflict, that are in displeasure , and those roots are very close to my Heart . Islam , pakistan , India , autonomy to me external punctuations made by alter ego of a human being , but for me my roots are intertwined in violence . I want to escape from that excruciating pain , where in my roots are not at ease . Alas , being a close observer of kashmiri politics and having understanding of historical perspectives , I know situation wont move back and I will have to bear the pain , till the very end .... rendezvous with that very "end" I am sure will be away from my roots , away from where my grand father , grand mother was cremated , cremation ground near balgarden, batmaloo sringar kashmir.....